I really do not want to go bak into camp this week because of the hectic schedule... With many things going around inside, my own internal struggles and politics... How to last seriously? With times getting tough, Thoughts of giving up easily leaked into my mind. How? Heavy spirit, very burdened... God... I just wanna be with You... Really...

But still, nevertheless, I would say may your strength be with me, help me through this season of my life. All I can say now is if all things else crumble, God I ask of you to stand with me... Because this is all it matters.
Blogged @ Monday, May 02, 2011
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"Life is not perfect!!" How many times have we come across this phrase which I believed had echoed through since the ancient of days. The answer is, countless. Indeed life is full of imperfections no matter how it is packaged or disguised by the blissful occurrences in ones lifetime. To me, life is a very sensitive word. It can be viewed from the secular or religious perspective. To sum up this paragraph, All I want to say is that life is full of complications and perhaps a certain degree of negativity


By right, Christmas suppose to be a season of joy yet, I suddenly just feel otherwise... This is because images from history flashed through my head, things i had gone through being featured...
Blogged @ Sunday, December 26, 2010
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Last week, pastor kong preach about the seasons of faith in church. What he said really made me think a lot. I begin to reflect about the past 5 years.

In the message he mention that faith also have 4 seasons just like the 4 seasons of nature. The spring of faith signifies blessing. This is when we just convert. We experience blessing over blessing; countless of prayers being answered; exploring the new faith we partake in. After which, there is summer which symbolizes trials and tribulations where we go through the fire and learn to have victory in the lord. Next up, its autumn, the season of great harvest. This is when we have our fruits seen and blessing manifest. Lastly, winter the coldest and darkest period of the year. It depicts of struggles we face in life. Just like the natural four seasons, the four seasons of faith have a periodical cycle. This is a summary of what is being preached.

Anyway to apply the message into my life, all that i can say is that my life is full of challenges one after another with few 'springs' and 'autumn' in between. I can safely conclude that the past 5 years have been 40% summer, 40% winter and 10% 'spring', 10% 'autumn'. In some point of time, i straight away enter winter without having a transition; going through autumn. Well, after i was being saved, i think i only experience spring like 2 weeks and i enter into intense warfare... Having all sorts of spiritual attack... To think that this is bad enough, i have to grapple with depression, lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Well, i guess it was summer for almost a year plus. Until emerge 2007 when suddenly a touch of heaven came. This marks the period of autumn. However, autumn does not last long too. I enter into winter... With studies crap, chicken pox and ministry issue on hand... I struggled a lot. Since this mark of my life, i m unable to identify when is my last spring or autumn. Well... It was one of the toughest period of my life... I have to struggle day by day to get through. Today, I am still in the winter season of my life. At least i can see spring coming soon...

Well, I believe God have an awesome plan for me. He sees that it is good for me to go through these things. I personally agreed that through all these seasons in life, i have grown a lot. I depend and yield to God for practically everything in my life. I always say with tears in my eyes in times of struggles, not my will but Yours be done. I pray in my heart and await for the day where I will stand completely victorious and molded by God.
Blogged @ Wednesday, November 17, 2010
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Bad mood, foul mood. These two strong expression of dissatisfaction have been the prevailing emotions I have these few days. Why so? Well let me whisper to you a secret; I am under a significant amount of pressure.

Someone once said that it is when one is subjected under pressure, one true image,one's personality, will emerge. How true is that? Being reflective as I always am, I have been pondering about my actions, not only this week but also the previous, wondering about how 'ass' I may be to people at times. Admittedly, I concede that I have practice a policy of 'deterrence' where I try to withdraw myself away from people who I may have potential conflict with. Despite of my personal sensitivity and analytical skill, I purposefully overlook some loopholes my method imposed. This is simply my way of displaying my heck care attitude already! As things always progress, guess what, misunderstanding arises... Wow!! At this period of time??? My goodness... Wait a minute... I shouldn't be bothered about this issue right, but apparently, I am. What I will say is that I am disappointed to the max already.... 心寒。。 (in Chinese)

Lets not talk about that... Focusing on my mood, I am just FREAKING PISS!! (that is the best word I have in my Vocabulary bank to express my feeling.) At what? At everything!!! This is my personality... I am very very short tempered under pressure!! Haiz... what else can i say... I shall stop here and pray that Things will work out fine. May I have strength from God to help me through this endeavor. May God really bless me and help me through this treacherous period of my life. I end off with thanks giving and gratefulness that You, God, never leave me nor forsake me.
Blogged @ Sunday, October 24, 2010
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Today 10.10.10, which is 30 days time to A level, occurs every millennial. Yes, it is a historic moment where we have approximately 800 couples exchanging their vows and commit themselves to each other on this 'idiosyncratic' day. However, this day proves to be unpleasant and insignificant to a certain extent. In fact, since the count down to the 'distinguished' exams have started, everyday, every hour, minutes and seconds, is merely a periodical cycle of immense stress.

To qualify my statement, yours truly and sincerely me, is feeling insecure even though I veil myself with a mask creating the delusion that I am perfectly fine and adequate in preparation for the pivotal moment where the trumpet resound in the battle field. The truth is, I am really uncertain of what the prospect will be. I am unsure of what to do when my results does not meet my personal anticipation. Although it is too early to give a forecast of what the verdict will be and pointless to be worried about something that is an estimated 5 months a way, which is the day of the release of results, but that does not infringe on my right to be anxious about my status quo. After all, I am not perfect.

If I can make my request known, I like to put across the message that I am OK!! Do not be worried about me after reading the above paragraph. This is because, I believe, depending on the level of intelligence an individual possess, is a part an parcel in life of a JC student. Something that is intrinsic and innate and only can be delivered after the last warfare-paper.

This is my current state... Just worried and insecure... Even though I know the position I have in my heavenly father heart, reaffirming myself daily about his grace and security can be really hard and tiring as well. This road that I have is full of stress and fatigued but above all I know that He is with me. His rod and staff will comfort me. He will prepare a meal infront of my enemy. He pour oil on my head. Surely his goodness and mercy shall be with me all my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I await for the final moment where I will emerge victorious and receive the reward for finishing the race no matter how slow I take.
Blogged @ Sunday, October 10, 2010
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Well today I serve as log 2 during the whole service. Frankly speaking, I was very very excited for duty!! I get to serve with one of the nicest person, the most patient and the most accepting person I know thus far in life. What prompted me to blog is the whole picture, the leaders presented to me, the image they have left imprint in my heart. I am really amaze at them.

It all started after service ended and recycling have begun. As usual, everything was quite chaotic as in for me as I don't serve as a set holder as frequent as others may have. In the midst of this while doing stock check, towards around 2+pm, everyone was tired and yet they still continue to push on to the end. Yes, even though they complained, but they still do it. This impacted me a lot!! I manage to witness the sacrifice they had given to God and towards the ministry, their faithfulness in every detail and excellent in every task. Although there were several clashes between some people, and some very frustrated and tense moment i felt in my spirit. I am really impress or rather inspired by them. Especially at one moment after oscar, Log 1 place all the NCS into a new white box that is bigger than the original bow. The metal shelf outside oscar cant fit the box. At such to my unbelieve, log 1 took out a spanner to re arrange the height of the metal shelf to fit the box. Another helper and my TL and one of my sect TL was helping it. I was there at that moment kneeling on the chair witnessing them doing such stuff. As usual i m a very sensitive person, i sincerely felt their feelings there. I felt that they were tired, sian and frustrated. But then, they still do it without any noise. I am very very impress!! i m very touched by their love for God the willingness to serve one another, their sacrifices!! After that when i was locking the table with log 1, i ask her, usually you all stay till this late one har? she replied yar but i stay later cos whatever thing i see that are not in order i will make sure i rectify it. This left me a great impression!!

This lead me into a very very deep thought...
I always think I am willing ready to take on the next challenge... I always wanted to rise up, but yet, i dont see anything happening. i trust God that he is moulding my charactor. Indeed i am right... The level of commitment they have as compared to mine is WAY TOO HIGH TO MATCH!!! I have many things to learn!! It humble me alot. Now, I am excited to where God want to bring me to!!!
Blogged @ Sunday, July 11, 2010
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真奇怪！！！ 今天当我和 Benjamin 一起乘搭公交车时，我突然间想起我在北京度过的短短一个月。。。
我真的好怀念那一个月。。。
我能自由自在，无忧无虑的过生活！！
在没有烦恼的地带过着幸福美满的生活。。。
开开心心与亲人度过每一天。

令人纳闷的是近年，恐怕没机会再上去京城和我啊姨会合了。。。
因为我得服兵役。。。 因为在体育考验，我拿了铜牌。。。。 如果我拿的是银牌或金牌的话，我的假期就会延长！！
我就不用 A 水准后的第二周如营。。。
我好期待！！！ 我现在只能在拚多一个月拿我的银牌。。。
我真的很想再度上去北京住。。。 享受寒冷天气！！！

Labels: 纳闷

Blogged @ Thursday, June 24, 2010
Don't let me go -

While I did my filing just now, I came across a very very ancient paper!!!
It is a poem i wrote about 3-4 years ago!!!
HAHA!!!
It triggered soo many memories of the past!
This is how it goes:

Love so great that no one can rate
With no boundaries no conditions
Who else could offer but You alone
Who gave Your all when I have none
With great power in this Oer'
That no one can doubt this power
You love me first when You gave Your all
With this life, I will love You forever more

HAHA!!!!!!
Blogged @ Monday, June 21, 2010
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The holidays is always screwed.... Tied with conditions complemented with many distractions and consequences.... What do I mean to that? It simply meant that holidays are being used to study and prepare for the upcoming common test when school reopen. However, holidays bring forth distraction and unwillingness to study as usual... This lead to very very heavy consequences, a price to pay when school reopen.
Personally I m very lazy during the holidays... My goodness I mean holiday is suppose to be relaxing free of work... Yet, I know that I must study.... But it is just soo hard... i have completely no drive... How disappointing.... I still can be panicking of common test... Human nature really sometimes cannot be comprehend...
Blogged @ Tuesday, June 15, 2010
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Well its the june vacation already. However this june holiday doesn't seems like a holiday at all. For the first 2 weeks of june holiday, practically everyday I need to go back to school for holiday lessons. How auspicious of that... My goodness... I mean this is the holiday which I suppose us students should enjoy and take a break from our hectic school life especially on the JC level. Since the holiday started, I realised that I haven't even have a good chill out session with my close friends. Whenever I am at home, somehow there is a feeling of emptiness inside of me and a growing yearning for a company seems to overwhelm me. Seriously I don't know what to say.... I just have to accept it and move on with life. HAHA!! when school resumes i will be complaining and yearning for the holidays. When the holiday begins, a new problem emerge. LOL!!! Thankfully technology have been kind enough to fill in the gap of a companion for me. Been spending sometime playing rakion throughout the day. HAHA!!

Anyway since I was down with a flu last tuesday, I missed the "inaugural annual GP common test. WEEEEEE how auspicious.... Guess what, tomorrow is the make up session.... My goodness it is very very weird to be the only person in class to do the test... I rather i go to school on tuesday and get over and done with even though I am having a fever. Anyway, I cant seems to study well for the test... I kind of getting stress out by it because I don't know what to expect for the papers and I am afraid of failing the paper. Yes as you can see I have a poor command of the english language... My language do sux..... However, regardless, life still goes on!! I just have to grit my teeth and face this challenge not alone, but together with my best friend!!! HAHA!!! My goodness tomorrow is going to be an exciting day!!! For I know that my best friend will be with me and I am not alone!!! Anyway I hope that what I anticipated and studied will be useful tomorrow!!

Well thats all I have blog!! HAHA nite nite!!! Good luck to me tomorrow

Labels: GP common test T_T

Blogged @ Tuesday, June 08, 2010
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